Shippou's Plan
by DayDreamerz
Summary: The entire InuYasha gang is OOC and wacky. It's now up to a psychic Shippou to set things right!
1. The Problems, The Solution

Shippou's Plan

Chapter1- The Problems, The Solution

DDZ: Heeeeeeeeylow people's! Another fic, 'cause I'm slap-happy!

Readers: OO (slowly back away)

DDZ: OO! NOO!

Readers: OO! (run)

DDZ: No! Come back and read my pretty story!

DDZ's Sister: Your story can't be pretty. It's funny and cool.

DDZ: Randomness Master! Are you slaphappy again?

RM: Yup! (beams) And I'm about to go on a sugar high, with the honey, and the sugar, and the cookies, -oh! And I think there are chocolate chips in there somewhere, too.

DDZ: (steals cookies and honey and grabs marshmallows)

RM: NOOOOOOOOOOO! (sob)

DDZ: (offers some to readers)

Readers: (slowly inch back in, looking at snacks)

DDZ: (pulls them back) Only if you read.

Readers: (nod)

DDZ: (starts throwing snacks in air)

Readers: (cheer) (start eating snacks)

RM: (dives at snacks and also starts munching)

DDZ: (grab snacks RM left behind, and throws out) Yay! Now, read!

(I don't own InuYasha, or this world would be really messed up. I don't even share the opinions expressed in the story, I love the characters. Well, not Sessomaru...He's mean. And Jakotsu's too weird... ya...)

One day, the InuYasha gang was at Kaede's hut.

"Why are you all here! My House! MY HOUSE!" Kaede shouted.

"But Kaede," Kagome said sweetly, "I need to go back to my time, and I wanted to leave everyone here to be tortured-I mean, taken care of by and old hag-I mean, wise, beautiful, woman like you!"

"Oh, you're so sweet, Kagome." Kaede said sweetly

"So can they stay?" Kagome asked.

"No." the old hag replied onerally, going back to her gardening.

"Yes!" InuYasha rejoiced. "Thank you, Lady Kaede, for not putting us through such torture! I love you! You're my HERO!" He hugged Kaede around the legs, sobbing pathetically.

"Get off mutt." Kaede said, kicking InuYasha off.

InuYasha cried. "Owie..."

"Sister Kaede."

Kaede looked toward the mysterious person calling to her.

"Kikyou!" InuYasha said happily, looking over at the person with sparkles and anime tears forming in his eyes.

Is it Kikyou? No. It is Naraku. In the form of Kikyou, you ask? Why, no. In the form of Miroku.

"But-But-" studdered the easily confused Monk.

"Who are you?" asked Sango. "Which one of you is the monk, Miroku, who's child I bear? Wait, did I say that aloud...?"

"Why, Sango, that is merely the demon Naraku who is in the form of our friend Miroku, come to tell Lady Kaede that he and Kikyou are married and to invite her to the wedding and a tea party after." explained the little fox, Shippou.

"Is that true, Hoshi-sama?" Sango asked the imposter.

"I'm here my dear!" the real Miroku replied. "Is it true you bear my child at this moment?" he asked, eyes glittering at the thought.

"What!" exclaimed Kohaku, walking up to them. "You mean you really-you two-but-I mean-how could- why-" he faints on the spot.

"Kohaku, my dear brother! How come you never came before, yet this draws you out now?" Sango shouted, running to her brother.

"NO!" InuYasha cried on the ground. Then, he started kicking, and punching his fists on the ground screaming "Nonononononononono!".

"Why, what's the matter, dear love of mine whom I'd do anything for and follow 'till the end of time?" Kagome asked the half-demon throwing a tantrum.

"Kikyou married Naraku! We were supposed to be together! She promised she'd take me with her to hell!" sobbed the broken-hearted and hurt InuYasha.

"Osuwari." Kagome said, causing the poor, stupid mutt to crash further into the ground he was already lying on.

"Is this true?" Kaede asked Naraku.

"Why, yes, sister, you old hag. Or why would I be calling you 'sister'?" replied the evil demon.

Kohaku woke up. "S...Sister...Did you...really?" His eyes filled with tears.

"Of course not, Kohaku. I've never spent a single night lying beside him." Sang confessed to her dear brother.

Miroku cried, "Why, Sango? Why-hy-hyyy?"

"Well," Kagome said, walking to the well, " I am off to my time to spend time with my dear Hojou-kun-I mean, my dear grand father and family."

"No, Kagome! Don't leave me!" InuYasha shouted as he held tight to Kagome's ankles, bawling like the baby he is.

"Get off the ground, you pathetic excuse for a brother."

Is it Sessomaru? Why, yes, actually, it is.

"Where are we going, Sessomaru-sama?" asked his annoying accomplice, Rin. "Sessoooooooomaru-saaaaaaama? Sessoooooooooooooooo--"

Then, she suddenly stopped, for she was just then, in that moment, kicked in the face by her dear Sessomaru-sama. "Yes, Sessomaru-sama." she said, though her voice was muffled by Sessomaru's foot.

"Why, Sessomaru, he will. And he will go off to spend time with his one true love." Shippou stated.

"And who is that, Shippou, our dear psychic friend?" Kagome asked Shippou, happy, for she knew in that moment that Shippou would tell that she was InuYasha's true love, and then, he would have no choice but to announce to her his undying love.

"Why I believe it is a woman named Sheritha. She is a friend of a girl who is called DayDreamerz." Shippou responded thoughtfully.

InuYasha slunk slowly to a bush and stuck his head inside it, hoping that his big butt would not be seen by the oblivious Kagome.

"InuYasha!" Kagome shouted, full of rage. She looked around, but could not see him anywhere, for InuYasha was right, and Kagome is quite oblivious indeed.

"But he will not be the only one to go to her." Shippou predicted. "There are two others, which consist of the monk, Miroku,-"

Sango slapped Miroku.

"-and the leader of the wolf-demon clan, Kouga."

"What was that you said about me?" said a voice behind them.

Was it Miroku? Why, no. Naraku? No, not exactly. Sessomaru? No, he's too busy beating up Jakin. Yami? I wish, but, no. It was none other than the leader of the wolf-demon clan himself, Kouga. But he is not alone. No, for you see, the beautiful girl Sheritha is there with him.

Miroku, his eyes sparkling, ran up to her, and kneeling in front of her said, " Beautiful woman of my dreams, will you do me the honor of bearing my children?"

She looked down at him, eyes sparkling with excitement. "You really mean it?" she asked.

"Of course, beautiful angel Would you?" the perverted monk replied.

"Do you want me to answer now?" she asked, leaning down so she was right in front of him, gazing into his eyes.

"Yes, kind woman." Then, he reached out and began to rub her butt, for he believed it to be good luck to rub a woman's ass.

Unfortunatly for him, he's the only one, for then, Sheritha, who wasn't planning on saying yes anyway, slapped him and said, "Of course not."

Miroku sat there, humiliated and crying, until Sango came over to him.

Is she there to comfort him? Why, no. She is there to slap him on the back of the head. Which she does.

Meanwhile, InuYasha was talking with Sheritha.

Kouga saw this and said, "Stop tryin' to steal my woman, stupid mutt!" and shoved him over.

InuYasha cried, "Owie! That hurt! Now I got a boo-boo..."

"Oh, poor InuYasha!" Sheritha said, going over to the crying hanyou.

"Naraku-chan!" a girly voice called.

Who was it, Kaoru? No, wrong anime. Was it Ayame? No, not quite. Sheritha? With a girly voice - not likely. No, it was Kikyou.

"Naraku-chan!" she called again, as she jumped into Naraku's arms. "Did you have a safe journey, my love?" she cooed.

"Of course. I thought of you all the way." Naraku answered.

"Why, Kikyou!" InuYasha begged. "Why, when we could be in hell together?"

"Oh, InuYasha. I was going to send you to hell for Naraku, but I decided I didn't want to take advantage of a poor, brainless mutt like you. So instead, I went off to be with my one true love, Naraku!" Kikyou answered the confused, stupid Hanyou.

"Well, we'll be off then. Good day to you all." Naraku bid them farewell as he swept Kikyou up and disappeared into the night. Yes, it is night.

When did it become night, you ask? Why when the sun went down, of course. Seriously, you all sound like InuYasha.

"Hey, look." said InuYasha,"It is night. The sun must have gone down."

Or maybe not...

"Oh, Inu." Sheritha turned to InuYasha. "Forget Kikyou. She's not worth it."

"Right." Kagome agreed.

"I'm much better! Come with me." Sheritha told the poor, stupid InuYasha.

"Yea-hey wait!" Shouted the very confused and idiotic Kagome.

Just then, Jakotsu showed up.

He squinted into the bright afternoon sunlight. Yes, now it is day, although, it is not yet the next day... Of course that's possible! How? Oh, stop with all your stupid questions and read!

"Jakotsu!" Kouga shouted happily to his dear boyfriend.

"Kouga! So good to see you again! It's been so long, I almost went after InuYasha!" Jakotsu replied.

"That stupid mutt? Why?" Kouga asked.

Just then, Ayame tackled Kouga.

"Kouga!" Ayame shouted, beating the crap out of him. "What have you done! I told you not to play with King Bradley's mind controlling machine!"

Then, Kouga snapped out of it. "Get off me, you crazy chick!" he yelled, shoving Ayame away.

I was only trying to save my man, like a good woman of yours should!" she yelled back.

"You're not my woman!" he shouted.

"Things are not as they should be." stated the psychic Shippou. "But luckily, I have a solution. First, Kouga, you should be with Ayame. So, I shall send you both off into a deserted forest that you may not leave until a designated time. InuYasha, you should be with Kagome. And also not so much of a baby. So you will go with Kagome until another designated time when I shall allow. Also, Sango, you need to be nicer to Miroku. Therefore, for two days and three nights, you and Miroku will be trapped in a room together."

"Really!" Sango cried, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"I repeat," restated Shippou, " you will be trapped. For two days and three nights. In a room. With Miroku."

Sango's eyes grew wide with fear. "What! With Hoshi-sama!"

Miroku smiled.

"And as for Sheritha," continued Shippou, "we will soon have a visiter..."

Just then, DDZ showed up. "Sheritha!" she called, " Your boyfriend's looking for you." she, er, I said.

"Ok!" Just then, Sheritha and DDZ disappeared in a flash of light that cut through the darkness. Yes, it is now night again.

Then, Ayame dragged Kouga off toward the woods, Kagome pulled InuYasha into the well, Miroku shoved a crying Sango into the room, and Shippou set his spells.  
DDZ: YES! I AM ENDING THERE! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  
RM: Why are you ending there! I want more! MORE! (grabs more snacks)  
DDZ: OO! No! That's how I'm gonna get reviews! (snatches snacks away from RM)  
RM: Ya'all better review 'cause I wanna hear more! And if you don't, well, you know what happens when I'm mad... (glares evilly)  
DDZ: err... actually, I was saying whoever reviews gets more candy next time. RM: Gimme back my snacks! Go get your own!  
DDZ: No! (sticks out tounge) This is for my reviewers!  
RM: Fine, I'll get more! (goes to store)  
DDZ: Review, and get candy, flame, and you get to meet GDM's chainsaw face-to-face, or should I say, chain-to-head? Not to mention my squirt gun! (squirt, squirt)  
Readers: (sweatdrop)  
DDZ: Thanks for reading, and tune in next time! 


	2. The First Day

Shippou's Plan 

Chapter 2- The First Day

DDZ: Heeeeelows. Now it's time for chapter 2!

RM: (munches candy)

DDZ: Oh, yeah! I need to give candy to a few people! Thank you so much for reviewing! (gives candy to reviewers)

Reviewers: (cheer happily, munching on the delicious candy that they and no one else got)

RM: Yay! Chapter 2!

DDZ: Yup!

RM: Stop interrupting! (ahem!) You all are SO lucky you reviewed. (nods) OK, now I'm done.

DDZ: (sweatdrop) Riiight... Anyway-

RM: AnyWHO!

DDZ: Anywho-Anywhere-Anywhy-Anyone...ya... Whatever, here comes the chapter!

Readers still left reading this far: Yay!

Random person: JUST GET ON WITH IT!

DDZ: (takes out squirt gun) (squirt)

(I do not own InuYasha or Jack Sparrow. Nor do I agree with the opinions I shall state.)

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In Kagome's Time

Kagome skips happily down the street singing "La-lala-lala-lala... LAAA!"

A car goes by. "Ah! Hide me!" The cowardly InuYasha shouts, hiding from the car behind a bush.

"Oh, InuYasha, you're such a baby." Kagome tells him, as she then begins shaving her head.

"Oh, Kagome, what have you done to your beautiful hair!" InuYasha shouts, near fainting from the tragic action.

"I shaved it punk. You got a problem wit dat!" Kagome asked harshly, then revealing her previously well-hidden apathy.

InuYasha looked at her as she then rips off her school uniform to reveal a black shirt and long, baggy gothic pants underneath.

"Hmm..." InuYasha thinks hard. "I think there's something a little different about you, Kagome." The stupid hanyou states unable to quite figure out what it is about the strange looking Kagome.

"This is who I am on this side, ya hear! If you don't like it, tough, cause you know what? You a bitch, and yo mama was a bitch too, so shut yo face for I break it, hear!" Kagome tells him, yelling very loudly in his face.

Was she yelling to be tough? Well, of course not, silly, a train was passing by.

"Actually," the idiot dog demon replied, trying pathetically to sound smart for the first time in his life, "My mother was human, I get the dog-demon from my father." He then nods, for he sounded very scientific, and should look it, too. So he puts on a white lab coat, long black rubber gloves, and safety goggles. But then his false intelligence streak deserts him, for he then, in that moment smeared peanut butter all over the goggles, which we all know stains for life.

"Waddeva." Kagome waves her hand, brushing his statement away. The statement screams in agony, for it is being brushed toward Kaede who is rubbing her hands together, looking and sounding quite evil indeed with her "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!".

"We skippin' school today to hang wit my homies, sevey?" she asks, pulling off the punk clothes to reveal a pirates outfit underneath. "Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!" she adds.

Is she adding it for effect? Why, no. Does she actually have rum? Yes, as she proves when she then pulls it out of her shoe. How did it fit in her shoe? I don't know! What is this, 20 questions? Just read!

"Why's the rum gone?" Jack Sparrow asks as he walks in. "Hey! You stole my rum!" he shouted, snatching the rum bottle from Kagome's hand and running for his poor, pathetic, little, soon-to-end-anyway life, screaming "I got rum!"

Then Kagome, her pirate inspiration gone because of the loss of her precious rum, rips off her pirate outfit to reveal a swimsuit. She then pulls a surfboard out of a nearby tree and says, "Let's go, like, find my friends, dude, and, like, totally hang out, man, ya know, catch some waves? Gnarly, dude. Radical! Shaw..."

Then, InuYasha trips. "Owie!" screams the poor, hurt, sobbing, crybaby of a hanyou, InuYasha, who then breaks into maniacal laughter, screaming something about world domination with the tortises, which he very geniusly calls torti.

In the Forest

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everbody's nerves, and this is how it goes. I know a song that-" Ayame is then stopped in her lovely favorite song by Kouga's fist being shoved in her mouth, knocking out her teeth.

"Shut up!" Kouga yells at her, for he had been listening to her sing that song for the past three days that they had been walking through the forest, though they had not yet spent three days in the forest.

How is this possible then? I don't know! Ask Kouga, he's the one who did it!

Ayame stops, thinking about what she is going to do now that she is missing teeth. Then, she once again begins to sing, "All I wan for Chwisssmasss isss my two fwon teef, my two fwon teef, my two fwon teef. Deee, if I could onwy hab my two fron teeeeeeeef, Den I could wisss you mewy Chwisssmass. Chwisssmasss. Chwisssmasss!-" Then she stops again, for she at that moment was distracted by the ant on the ground beside her face.

When was her face on the ground, you ask? Why when she fell, silly! Weren't you paying attention! Geeez...

Kouga continues to walk away, completely void of all emotion, as he always is.

Ayame follows him, "Whatcha doooooooin'? . . . Whatcha dooooooin'? . . . Whatcha--" Then she stops, for Kouga had just knocked out the teeth that the magic ant she had noticed on the ground had granted her.

". . . NOOOOOOOOO!" Ayame suddenly yells, making everyone jump, except Kaede, who was already jumping up and down on InuYasha's statement like a trampalene, screaming "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Kouga does not respond, but continues walking on with the same emotionless expression on his face.

"I love yooooooooou..." Ayame cooes, her teeth once again magically restored, to get Kouga's attention.

Does it work? Why, yes it does, for then Kouga, at that moment, runs screaming through the forest, terrified of his soon-to-come heart attack from Ayame's dreadful words.

Ayame smiles at the possible success of the killing of Kouga. Then, she happily wonders her way in the opposite direction, singing, "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves..."

In the Room

Sango sits on one end of the room, rocking back and forth in the fetal position, while Miroku stands on the other side.

"Sango...?" Miroku asks, worried about the mental wellbeing of Sango. He takes one step toward her and then stops, for Sango, in that breif moment of time began screaming, "NOOOO! BACK, I TELL YOU! BACK!"

Miroku, stands there confused. "Sango, I only want to help you." He says, ignoring her soon-started-up again screams.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOO!"

Then when Miroku gets close, he leans down to see her face in the dark room.

Sango screams one last time, and then kicks him where it hurts, knocking him out completely, giving her enough time to run to the other side of the room, and continue rocking back and forth in the fetal position. She is now back in the beginning situation, except on the opposite side of the room, and Miroku is laying on the ground knocked out in pain, rather that standing there watching Sango with concern...

With Shippou

Shippou sits there, using his psychic powers to know what is happening with the other groups that he has trapped. "This is not going well." he states to Kirara, who is sitting next to him.

Kirara looks up at him and tilts her head to the side. "Eeeeee?"

Shippou looks at her just before saying, "Yes, Kirara. The coast is clear."

"Oh, good!" Kirara then says in a very deep voice. "I swear, acting like a clueless pet all the time gets on my nerves! So, how are things going, my only friend, Shippou?"

"Oh, I may have to keep Sango and Miroku in there more than I had intended. Miroku is knocked out." Shippou states sadly. "But on a happier note," Shippou stated, cheering up, "Inuyasha and Kagome are doing well. And Ayame and Kouga can't go forever without seeing eachother. Especially since I control the amount of food to hunt and where it is. But if it weren't for that, they would only ignore eachother. And Sango and Miroku... I don't think I can do anything to fix this..."

"But," Kirara says reassuringly, "you do have total control over the Kouga and Ayame situation. And you did predict that Miroku and Sango would be ok in three days, so they will be ok in three days, correct?"

"Yes." Shippou says, happy once again. "Yes, you are correct. Now... to get Kouga and Ayame some food..."

"Yes." Kirara agrees.

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GWSCQ4C (Guy With Strange, Confusing Questions 4 Cliffhanger): What will happen next with Kagome and InuYasha? Will Ayame really try once again to kill Kouga? Will Sango get over her phobia of Miroku? WILL SHIPPOU NEED TO ADD AN EXTRA DAY TO SANGO'S FATE AND WHAT WILL KAGOME TURN INTO NEXT! Tune in next time to find out...

DDZ: Oooh. Such good questions, good questions...

RM: I want candy!

DDZ: Too bad. I will give out free tickets to a concert of your choice if you review. I will not give you candy, because Randomness Master has stolen all of my candy.

Readers: Booooooooo!

DDZ: But shall I get them, the ones who sent the reviews shall get free tickets to whatever concert they wish.

Readers: (cheer)

RM: What? No candy!

DDZ: No, no candy. Please review, and flamers shall get a face full of water from my squirt gun!

RM: And a painful death from me! (goes back to happily munching on DayDreamerz's stolen candy)


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